It’s 5:15 am, a bit early for me to be up. On my way back to bed after taking a leak I knocked over a mason jar of water. Groping in the dark for some clothes, towels – anything to mop it up… remembering belatedly to snatch my phone and computer from harm’s way. Loathe to turn on the lights and spoil my natural melatonin rush. Disaster narrowly averted, except I didn’t much feel like falling asleep after. Time then for the morning post.
Dream before I kicked over the water… A friend and I were kissing, (let’s call her Eve). I said I was waiting for her to take a break so we could be together. She said she never took breaks. I know there’s something there for me.
47 is old, at least to my 17 year old self image. Back when I first discovered intimacy and connection – I guess I just got stuck there. I still feel the world with the heart of a cocky teenager, only more confidently. A sensual and intimate kid, deeply romantic, a sex god – I knew that I wasn’t destined for hearth and home. My passion wasn’t going to wear down and find a familiar groove. The way of the lone wolf was waiting.
I don’t have a steady lover – that’s the point. There’s possibilities, prospects but my attention strays. I can’t cozy down with anything less than the ultimate… so keep moving. Settling for less seems like capitulation, the end of dreams. Rather, let me howl in the desolate heath and run wild, forgotten.
What does my love status have to do with a boat ride, the earth, anything? There must be some reason (other than back story) to touch this. Standing on a whale, fishing for minnows. That’s the dream life by analogy. The big awakening is right here, yet we scramble for tiny insights. What does that dream mean?
It means get up sucker and get ready. Only 13 days until you’re married to wind.
A brief postscript. While I was sleeping, my excellent brother became the 2nd most viewed male on a popular (and competitive) online dating site, and he’s 10 years older than me… Way to go, bro!